her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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