i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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