i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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