question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
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had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
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Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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