maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize