i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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