I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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