He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
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Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
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I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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