If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize