I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
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She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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