I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
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seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
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I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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