So many bounce houses so little time
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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