so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
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