i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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