My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
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Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
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Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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