You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
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theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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