Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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