I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize