anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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