New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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