Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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