either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
too bad you live with your parents still
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
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If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
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I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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