if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
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My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
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Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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