you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My bed smells like the plague
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