I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
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I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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