I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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