i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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