Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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