Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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