can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize