So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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