I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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