Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize