8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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