hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
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How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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