am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
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Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize