It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
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She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
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You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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