Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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