As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
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My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
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It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize