Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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