i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
As shirtless as possible
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
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No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
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Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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