when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
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Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
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That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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