2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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