Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize