walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize