hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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