I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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