I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
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He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
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Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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