i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
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Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
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fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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