dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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